When Central Serous Retinopathy hit, I thought the hardest part would be the blur.
The visual distortion.
The physical symptoms.
But it wasn’t.
The hardest part was this quiet, creeping question:
“Who am I now that I can’t move like I used to?”
Because when you’ve spent years living fast—
Chasing productivity, thriving on pressure, keeping the plates spinning—
And then suddenly… you’re forced to slow down?
It shakes something deeper than your routine.
It shakes your identity.
The Speed I Used to Wear Like Armor
I didn’t realize how much I relied on speed to define me.
Fast response times.
Fast decisions.
Fast output.
Fast recovery.
I was the one people could count on to “handle it,” to “push through,” to “show up no matter what.”
So when CSR told me to stop?
To wait?
To rest?
I felt lost. Like a stranger in my own skin.
The False Belief Hidden in Productivity
Before CSR, I didn’t just move fast—I believed I had to.
To stay relevant.
To stay respected.
To be worthy.
Speed was a shortcut to feeling enough.
And when it was taken from me, I had to ask:
Was I doing all of that because I wanted to—or because I was afraid of who I’d be without it?
Turns out, a lot of my ambition was fear in disguise.
Slowness Isn’t Laziness. It’s Precision.
CSR forced me to do everything slower:
- Work
- Talk
- Move
- Think
- Decide
And in that space, something strange happened.
I began to notice more.
Feel more.
See myself—really see myself—for the first time in years.
I realized I was building my life on a speed that wasn’t sustainable.
And worse—wasn’t even mine.
Redefining Myself in the Wake of CSR
I’m not who I was before CSR.
And I’m no longer trying to be.
Now, strength means:
- Knowing when to pause
- Choosing rest without guilt
- Listening when my body says “not yet”
- Respecting slowness as wisdom, not weakness
My identity isn’t wrapped in how fast I move—
It’s grounded in how fully I show up.
Questions That Helped Me Reclaim Myself
- Who am I without my output?
- What am I afraid will happen if I slow down?
- What version of me is trying to emerge from this silence?
CSR stripped away the noise.
And what’s left is clarity—not just in vision, but in purpose.
Bottom Line:
You’re not your old speed.
You’re not your past momentum.
And slowing down isn’t the end of your identity—it’s the beginning of your alignment.
CSR didn’t just stop your pace.
It started your becoming.