They say CSR isn’t life-threatening.
That it usually resolves.
That “you’ll be fine.”
But here’s what no one tells you:
Even when it’s not permanent, it changes you.
And not just how you see—but how you feel.
For a while, I couldn’t explain it.
The sadness. The anxiety. The disorientation.
The feeling of being half here, like part of the world had faded and I was pretending everything was normal.
This is the part of CSR no one talks about: the emotional toll.
Losing Sight of Control
There’s something primal about losing part of your vision.
You realize how much of your life depends on something you never even thought about.
Driving. Reading. Watching someone’s face light up.
All suddenly… unreliable.
And worse: there’s nothing you can do to fix it now.
That helplessness digs deep.
You start wondering if you can trust your body.
If you can trust yourself.
The Anxiety of “What If”
CSR recovery is filled with uncertainty:
- What if it comes back?
- What if it doesn’t go away this time?
- What if I lose more vision next month?
Every twitch in your eye, every strange light or blur, becomes a threat.
It’s exhausting.
And the worst part is—most people don’t understand.
They see your eyes look normal.
They don’t feel the panic sitting in your chest when you open a book and can’t make out the center of a sentence.
The Grief That Doesn’t Have a Funeral
You don’t just grieve vision—you grieve the rhythm of your life.
You grieve:
- The confidence you had in your body
- The speed you used to move at
- The illusion that you were in full control
It’s quiet grief.
There are no flowers or casseroles for it.
Just silence. And a strange sense of guilt for even feeling it.
The Need to Be Seen
This blog, this community, this space—
It exists because when your vision dims, you still need to be seen.
To be understood.
To be reminded that your experience is real, valid, and heavy enough to deserve compassion.
You are not weak for being shaken.
You are not dramatic for being scared.
You are not alone in this.
What Helped Me Hold On
- Talking to others going through it (even anonymously)
- Journaling everything—rage, sadness, clarity
- Resting without shame
- Letting go of the pressure to “push through”
- Remembering that healing doesn’t only happen in the eye—it happens in the soul
Bottom Line:
CSR messes with your vision. But more than that, it messes with your sense of certainty, identity, and emotional safety.
It’s okay to feel afraid.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to slow down.
And it’s okay to want to be seen when you feel invisible—even if the world doesn’t understand.
This space is for that.