There’s a quiet fear that comes with illness—especially the invisible kind.
That if you let yourself feel it all, it will consume you.
That if you soften, you’ll break.
But Central Serous Retinopathy taught me something else:
It’s not the softness that breaks you.
It’s the constant bracing.
Resilience Isn’t What I Thought It Was
I used to think resilience meant:
- Holding it together
- Staying strong no matter what
- Not letting anyone see you falter
But during my worst CSR flare, I wasn’t strong.
I was afraid.
I cried in the bathroom.
I felt fragile and frustrated and deeply alone.
And still—I showed up.
Maybe slower. Maybe shakier.
But I didn’t fall apart.
That’s when I realized:
Resilience isn’t about tension.
It’s about bend.
The Courage to Stay Soft
Staying soft doesn’t mean giving up.
It means:
- Letting yourself cry without apology
- Saying “I’m not okay today” without shame
- Being honest about fear while still moving through it
CSR exposed how much I was holding.
And how little I let myself feel.
But healing doesn’t happen in armor.
It happens in surrender.
In the body relaxing enough to repair.
In the nervous system releasing the need to perform.
How I Practiced Emotional Resilience (Without Hardening)
- Named my emotions without fixing them
“I’m scared.”
“I’m tired.”
“I feel hopeless today.”
Naming them made them smaller, not stronger. - Let go of the timeline
I stopped asking “when will I be better?”
And started asking “what do I need today?” - Chose routines that comforted, not controlled
Breathwork.
Walks.
Music.
Herbal tea at night.
Not to fix the pain, but to walk with it more gently. - Trusted that I could survive the feeling
Fear didn’t mean failure.
It meant I was alive and paying attention.
And that’s never weakness.
What Softness Taught Me
That my worth wasn’t tied to how much I could hold up.
That my healing didn’t require me to be brave all the time.
That I could cry and still heal.
That tenderness is its own kind of strength.
CSR didn’t harden me.
It opened me.
And in that opening, I found resilience—not as armor, but as truth.
Bottom Line:
You don’t have to muscle your way through this.
You can bend.
You can break down.
You can soften without losing your strength.
CSR doesn’t ask you to toughen up.
It invites you to feel fully—so you can heal fully.