People kept telling me I’d “bounce back.”
That once the fluid cleared and the scan looked clean,
I’d be good as new.
Back to normal.
But here’s what they didn’t understand:
I’m not who I was before CSR.
And I’m not trying to be.
Because you don’t bounce back from something that changed how you see the world—
literally and metaphorically.
You rebuild.
Slowly.
Intentionally.
Forward.
The Illusion of Going Back
At first, I wanted to rush it.
To reclaim my old routines, energy, momentum.
To prove to myself—and others—that I wasn’t broken.
But every time I tried to return to “before,” my body resisted.
My nervous system tightened.
My sleep fractured.
The blur lingered.
Because “back” was the very thing that broke me.
The Cost of What I Called Normal
My normal was:
- Overcommitted
- Underrested
- Addicted to urgency
- Blind to my own signals
It was high-functioning dysfunction.
And CSR interrupted that performance so I could feel what I’d been skipping.
The question wasn’t, When will I bounce back?
The real question was, What am I building now that I know better?
Rebuilding Meant Redesigning
Not just habits—identity.
- I rebuilt my mornings to feel like a return, not a race.
- I rebuilt my workflow around depth, not speed.
- I rebuilt my relationships with boundaries and honesty.
- I rebuilt my sense of worth—not from output, but from presence.
Every step wasn’t a bounce.
It was a brick.
Laid slowly.
On ground I actually trusted.
What I Left Behind—On Purpose
I left behind:
- The hustle voice that said “just one more hour”
- The guilt loop that activated every time I slowed down
- The pressure to be the strongest person in the room
I left behind the version of me that was surviving.
And started listening to the one that wanted to thrive.
What I’m Building Now
- A relationship with rest
- A nervous system I don’t have to apologize for
- A pace that allows me to live, not just perform
- A future rooted in presence, not just productivity
CSR didn’t just pause my life.
It cleared the land.
And now, I build on new soil.
Bottom Line:
There is no bouncing back.
Because what you’re moving toward is better than what you left behind.
This is not a comeback.
This is a becoming.
One slow, solid, sacred piece at a time.
